Scout 1: Are you sure that there’s nature around here?
Scout 2: Oh yah . . . there’s nature all around. You’ve just got to watch for it.
Narrator: Unknown to these Cubs, they have just stepped into a world far
different from the ordinary, a land of dreams and imagination. Welcome to the
Twilight Zone. Doo-Bee-Doo-Bee Doo-Bee-Doo-Bee Doo-Bee-Doo-Bee (Be
Musical ! ! !)
Scout 3: Did you feel something weird just now?
Scout 4: No . . . (Whine) but I wish I was Home.
Scout 2: Quiet, both of you. You’ll scare away all the animals.
Scout 3: I still feel weird.
Scout 1: (pointing) What’s that over there?
Scout 4: I don’t know, but something sure smells awful. (3 Narrator: The cubs
approach a turtle sitting on a pot. They move slowly (exaggerated) to get a better
view. The step threw a patch of bright green grass.
Grass: Get off us you big oaf?!! (Cubs jump in unison)
Scout 3: I think we better move. (Scout 4 runs toward the turtle, stumbles and
falls at the feet of the turtle. The other scouts follow more slowly.)
Turtle: You really aught to know better than to step on crab grass. There a mean
sort, know what I mean? (Scout 1 shrugs his shoulders: 2 nods yes, 3 tips his
head toward one shoulder, 4 shakes his head no) I knew that you could. (Scout 2
reaches for his book and starts to thumb through it.)
Scout 4: I don’t like this place. Let’s go home.
Narrator: As the cubs look around, they realize that the path they followed from
the campground has disappeared.
Turtle: You’re not from around here, are you? (All nod yes except scout 2 who
still is thumbing threw his book) I thought so. Well, in that case, you would be
wish to find the Sage Brush. He will be able to tell you how to get home.
Scout 2: Excuse me, Sir, but are you a stink pot turtle?
Turtle: Yes, how did you know? (Cubs paw the ground with their toes)
Scout 3: I bet it’s in his book. (Scout 2 nods reaches back to his hip pocket and
drops the book. As the Scouts turn their heads, the turtle moves off stage. Scout
1 bends down to pick up the book as gofer wearing blue jeans steps in front of
him.)
Scout 1: Who are you?
Gofer: Who am I??? Eee-gads, can’t you tell ????
Scout 3: We’re strangers to this land.
Gofer: Everyone who’s anyone knows who I am??? (Shoving his paw into a
pocket, he cocks hip hip toward the boys) I’m a plain pocket gofer! ! ! ! !
Scout 1: Yes, you are: Could you tell us how to find the sage brush?
Gofer: Yes I can and no I won’t. (Off stage music, humming/tape, can be heard.)
Bye guys.
Narrator: Gofer disappears through some tiger lily which snap and growl
viscously at him.
Scout 4: But I want to go home.
Scout 3: I’m sure we’ll find a way.
Narrator: Using a compass, the boys travel through the forest, marking a trail as
they go as they encounter some of its residence. They came across...(at this
point any drawings of different creatures are shown to the audience with all four
boys pointing at the picture as the narrator gives the name.)
Weary, they stop beside the first sign of civilization they come across: a road. In
the distance, they see a runner. After a few moments, the runner approaches
them.
Runner: (Jogging in place) I say, you Gents look as if you could use a bit of help.
How may I be of service?
Scout 1: Yes, sir. Could you direct us to the sage brush.
Runner: Why sure. Follow this here road, and take a right at the first Y. Can’t
miss it. The road dead ends at the sage brush’s headquarters.
Scout 3: Thank you, very much. (Runner runs down the road)
Scout 4: At last, someone normal.
Scout 2: Yep, a typical roadrunner. (’ Narrator: After walking for a few moments
the cubs come across a giant Y planted in the middle of the road.
Add your own ending.
LAND: NEVER-EVER LAND
The main thrust of this skit was to poke fun at the strange names man has given
to the animals. The secondary foundation is a moral: “There’s nature all around.
You’ve just got to look for it.”
2003 Pirates of the Cirribean