Today, Lady Blenkinsop Smythe, laid a foundation stone. Both are said to be doing well.

A lorry load of artificial hair has just overturned on the motorway. The police are combing the countryside.

This afternoon, two girl scouts, went for a tramp in the woods. The tramp got away.

A hundred dollar bill has just been found on the campsite. Will the owner, please form an orderly queue outside the mess tent to claim it.

Doctors have just discovered, that people with hairs starting to grow on the palms of their hands are going mad.

PAUSE.

They also tell us that people looking for hairs on the palms of their hands are already mad.

Today thieves broke into the local police station and stole fifty pairs of trousers. The police are looking, pretty silly.

Yesterday a chicken swallowed a yo-yo. It laid the same egg seventy five times.

Here is a late railway announcement. The train now arriving at platforms 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 is coming in sideways.

Will the man who has just left the train standing on platform 5 please come and collect it as we have enough of our own.