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All In a Days Work

Props: A sign reading: "Undertaker, Justice of the Peace, Furniture, Fresh Eggs", some overalls, straw hats, bandannas.

Announcer: Here we see old Clem Smithers sittin' in front of his country store and funeral parlour.

Josh: [strolling in, thumbs in suspenders] Good Morning Mr. Smithers. I'm Josh Martin.

Clem: Howdy bub, call me Clem.

Josh: So, you're an undertaker?

Clem: Yep.

Josh: Lived here all your life?

Clem: Not yet I ain't.

Josh: Do people die here often?

Clem: Nope …. Only once, Need an undertaker?

Josh: Oh, no. They tell me you sell cement here.

Clem: Yep.

Josh: I need two bags.

Clem: What kind?

Josh: Don't know.. St. Marys, I guess,

Clem: Good as it comes... what you gonna use it fer?

Josh: Some new steps out by my cement pond.

Clem: Yep, yep ... How many steps?

Josh: Oh, 'bout six.

Clem: How wide?

Josh: 'bout four feet.

Clem: How high each step?

Josh: Well, let's see now [counts on fingers, then takes shoe off and counts on bare toes] Oh, 'bout seven.

Clem: How deep ya goin'?

Josh: How come you gotta know that?

Clem: 'round here we get frost so ya gotta go 'bout two feet deep [pause] Yep you'll need six, maybe seven bags.

Josh: Okay, I'll get the horse and wagon. You throw in seven bags.

Clem: Can't!

Josh: Why not?

Clem: Ain't got no cement. Ain't had none for six months!

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