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Mister Bones



CAST:      MR. JONES
           MR. BONES
           CHOIR, behind Mr. Jones and Mr. Bones with banjos and tambourines

COSTUMES:  Boys are dressed like minstrels.)

MR. BONES: Mr. Jones, why does the chicken cross the road?

MR. JONES: To get to the other side. Ha! Ha!

MR. BONES: That’s not the reason the chicken crosses the road, Mr. Jones.

MR. JONES: All right, Mr. Bones, whey does the chicken cross the road?

MR. BONES: So she can see where she’s been.

CHOIR:     (Stomp feet, slap hands, laugh, twang banjos, and shake the tambourines.)

MR. JONES: All right, Mr. Bones, why do hens lay eggs?

MR. BONES: I don’t know, Mr. Jones, why do hens lay eggs?

MR. JONES: Because if they didn’t, they’d break them.

MR. BONES: Mr. Jones, that joke’s not what it’s cracked up to be.

CHOIR:     (Stomp feet, clap hands, laugh, twang banjos, and shake the tambourines.)

MR. JONES: If you had two horses and one of them went to the left and the other went straight ahead.
           Then the one went to your right and the other turned around and then the one went to the
           left and the other came back, what would you have?

MR. BONES: I don’t know, Mr. Jones, what would you have?

MR. JONES: A lot of horse maneuver. Har de, har, har!

CHOIR:     (Stomp feet, clap hands, laugh, twang banjos, and shake the tambourine.)

MR. BONES: Mr. Jones, who was that person I saw you with last night?

MR. JONES: That was no person. That was my mother-in-law.

MR. BONES: Your mother-in-law? I thought it was your father-in-law.

MR. JONES: No, sir, my father-in-law has long hair.

CHOIR:     (Stomp feet, clap hands, laugh, twang banjos, and shake the tambourine.)

CHOIR:               Sings: While the sexton rang the church bells
                     Lard was rendered by the choir;
                     While the preacher preached his sermon,
                     Someone set the church on fire.
                     Holy smoke! The preacher shouted
                     In the rush he lost his hair.
                     Now his head resembles heaven,
                     For there is no parting there.
 


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