Six A Side

Enter left six very despondent players. Five are in very large oversize shirts. Luke is wearing a very small cub jersey back to front. The Team is very varied in size.

Ed: That's it then. We're out of the six-a-side competition for this year.

Adam: What a beating, seven-nil in the first round.

Harry: It was a disgrace.

Luke: What will the rest of the pack say at next Wednesday's meeting?

Chris: it's not the rest of the pack I'm worried about, what's Akela going to say?

Owen: Akela said he would be here in time to watch us in the second round.

Ed: He's giving up half his Saturday overtime just to come and see us play. He'll murder us!

Harry: Do you think we could have a collection towards his lost overtime pay?

Chris: Perhaps we could bribe him not to mention the score.

Adam: You must be joking. He wouldn't keep this quiet if we paid him a thousand pounds.

Owen: It wasn't our fault. We were just unlucky.

Luke: Other teams have been unlucky before to lose seven - nil.

Ed: Yes, but not when they only played five minutes each way.

Harry: They were tougher than us, and at least twice our size.

Adam: That goalkeeper was massive. At least six feet tall, and almost as wide as the goal.

Owen: It was impossible to get a shot through.

Ed: Getting a shot through! The ball was never out of our half.

Luke: And that striker, so fast we didn't stand a chance. I never saw the ball going past.

Chris: That's because you had your eyes shut for most of the game.

Adam: The referee was bent! There was tripping, kicking, and shoving all through the game.

Chris: And that was just their linesman!

Ed: I was the only decent player in our team. It was just I never had any passes.

Chris: It would have been better if you had come down the field and helped us. You spent all your time chatting to their goalie.

Ed. Akela said I'd got to keep up the pressure. I couldn't do that by staying in defense.

Owen: All the goals were offside for a start. He should never have allowed any of them.

Ed: But the rules say you can't be offside in a six-a-side game.

Luke: Nobody told us. If we'd known that the result would have been different.

Owen: You must be joking! I wouldn't have gone near any of their forwards; they'd have trampled me to death.

Harry: (He points off right) Hey. Look, here's Akela.

Luke: Excuse me, I've got to go somewhere quick!

(He attempts to go off but is restrained by Chris and Adam)

Owen: You stay here and face the music like the rest of us!

(ENTER RIGHT, AKELA)

Akela: Hello boys. How are we doing then? Through the first round OK?

Chris: Well, no not exactly.

Akela: You mean you lost?

(The team all keep quiet, but nod)

Akela: Ah well, never mind. After all, half the teams in the competition get knocked out in the first round. What was the score?

(The team looks at each other)

Ed (to Luke): You let 'em in, you tell him.

Luke: Err, seven - nil, Akela

Akela: Seven - nil! Oh well, it could have been worse. After all, a Brownie Pack entered a team; it's the first time it's been allowed I bet they got a right thrashing. Does anyone know how they got on?

Ed: They won, actually.

Akela: They won! They must have been playing a team of deadbeats. Who was it?

(They start nudging each other, the push Luke forward)

Luke: Well actually Akela, it was us!

Akela: What!

(The team rush off right, followed by Akela)