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If I Were Not a . . . Scout

[Tune: This is the Music Concert]

Now I'm a [Boy/Girl] Scout, as you can plainly see.
But if I weren't a [Boy/Girl] Scout, . . .

1. A bird watcher I'd be
Hark a lark, flying through the park, SPLAT!

2. A plumber I would be
Plunge it, flush it, look out below!

3. A mermaid I would be
Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop!

4. A carpenter I'd be
Two by four, nail it to the floor!

5. A secretary I'd be
z-z-z-z get the point, z-z-z-z get the point?

6. A teacher I would be
Sit down, shut up, throw away your gum!

7. An airline attendant I'd be
Coffee, tea, or me, sir; here's your little bag, BLEH!

8. A typist I would be
Ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ZING!

9. A hippie I would be
Love and peace, my hair is full of grease!

10.A farmer I would be
Here's a cow, there's a cow, and here's another yuck!

11.A laundry worker I would be
Starchy here, starchy there, starchy in your underwear!

12.A cashier I would be
Twenty nine, forty nine, here is your change, sir!

13.A gym teacher I'd be
We must, we must, improve the bust!

14.A medic I would be
Turn around, drop your pants, jab, jab, jab!

15.A doctor I would be
Take a pill; pay my bill! I'm going golfing!

16.An electrician I would be
Positive, negative; turn on the juice-ZZZT!

17.A fireman I would be
Jump lady! Jump lady! Whoo-ooah! GOTCHA!

18.A cook I would be
Mix it, bake it; heartburn-BURP!

19.A ice cream maker I'd be
Tutti-frutti, tutti-fruitti, nice ice cream!

20.A politician I would be
Raise the taxes, lower the pay, vote for me on election day!

21.A butcher I would be
Chop it up, grind it up, make a little patty!

22.A garbage collector I'd be
Lift it, dump it, sort out the goodies

23.A [Domino's] pizza maker I'd be
30 minute, fast delivery!

24.A clam digger I would be
Dig one here, dig one there-Oh my frozen derriere!

25.Superman I would be
It's a bird, it's a plane, where is Lois Lane?

26.Lois Lane I would be
Get away, get away, get away, Clark Kent!

27.A cyclist I would be
peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle; ring, ring, ring!

28.A truck driver I'd be
Here's a curve, there's a curve. HERE'S A BETTER CURVE! [Makes outline of shapely woman.]

29.A house cleaner I'd be
Ooh, a bug; squish it in the rug!

30.A baby [toddler] I would be
Mama, Dada, I wuv you!

31.A Preacher I would be
Well, well, you never can tell; you might go to heaven, or you might go to hell!

Finally: A [Opposite organization] Scout I would be!


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