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New Car, The

Cast: Salesman, Buyer, 5 People to be Tires, Victim Setting: Car Showroom 4 of the tires are crouched in "tire" formation as on a car. The fifth is the spare tire at the back. Salesman: Here, Sir, is our latest and best model. It also has an unbelievably low price. Let me show you the quality. (He "kicks" one of the tires -- tire falls flat and makes a hissing sound.) My, I'm so embarrassed. (He "kicks" another tire -- same thing happens. Start hamming it up, interacting more and talking with the buyer, apologizing profusely and being very embarrassed. Salesman successively kicks each tire until all 5 are kicked. Finally,) Salesman: Hold on, let me get one of my men from the back. (Get your victim) Do you think you can fix these flats? (Instructs him to lift up each tire and so on, and each one rises to original position.) Well, I guess all that was needed was a nut to hold it up! Version 2 Cast: Salesman, Buyer, 4 people to be bicycles, Victim The five "bicycles" are in doggy position. Salesman: Here, Sir, is our most popular model. It also has an unbelievably low price. Try it. Buyer: OK -- (tries it) -- no, it's not the right size. Salesman: Then try this one. It's go 25 gears and goes really fast. Buyer: No, I don't need that many. Salesman: All right, try this one. Buyer: I don't quite like the color. Salesman: This one is a great mountain bike; great reports from everyone. Buyer: Hmmm... OK. Hey! I really like this! All of a sudden the mountain bike collapses -- falls down. Salesman: My, I'm so embarrassed. Are you sure you wouldn't like to purchase one of the other bicycles? They're very good. Buyer: Not really. I really liked this last one. Salesman: Hold on, let me get one of my men from the back. (Get your victim.) Do you think you can fix this bike? (Instructs him to lift up the bike and pull this, tighten that.) Now Sir, try it. Buyer: Hey! This is great! You've just sold this bike! What did your technician do? Salesman: Well, I guess all that was needed was a nut to hold it up!

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