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The Failed Reporter



"I'm a reporter. I have been for 12 years. And in all that time, I've never had a real scoop. Never. I'm a failure. I've done this long enough, so now I'm going to jump off this bridge and kill myself. One, two, …"

"Wait! Wait! Why are you jumping?"

"I'm a failed reporter. I've never had a real scoop."

"Oh. You think you have it bad, I'm a truck driver, and I've got hemorrhoids. I think I'll join you."

"One, two, …"

"Wait! What are you all doing?"

"We're committing suicide."

"Oh, I'm a grade school teacher. I just realized that I can't stand whiney little kids. I think I'll join you."

"One, two, …"

"Wait! What are you doing?"

"We're committing suicide."

"Well I'm a florist, and I've got hay fever." sneeze! "I think I'll join you."

"One, two, …"

"Wait! What are you doing?"

"We're committing suicide."

"I'm a dentist, hic and I've had the hiccups for the last hic five years. Would you like a tooth removed hic?" He holds one of those pointy dentist things, and each time he hics his hands jerk around "No!"

"Then I think I'll hic join you."

"One! Two! Three!!!" They all jump, except for the reporter.

"Four people jump to their grisly deaths! What a scoop!" He runs offstage, scribbling furiously on his notepad.


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